He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
