I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize