dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Text me some of your sweat
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize