Cold hands, warm shart.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
