Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
