ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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