non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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