I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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