Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
