Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
