You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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