yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize