I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
