You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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