good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize