i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
