I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize