My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
