Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Drunk is not a location!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
