My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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