R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this beer tastes like vomit already
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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