so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
