I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
