I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize