im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
