I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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