he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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