just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
