i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think my fart just growled at me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
