Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize