I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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