looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
