Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
