i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my liver is dry heaving
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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