You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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