So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
