dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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