When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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