how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
