good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
