She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
