The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
