They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
