he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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