all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
