Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
