Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
