yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize