I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
