Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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