Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
