puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
