how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
