omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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