i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
