You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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