It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
