apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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