so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
