I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
