how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
