i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
