what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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